In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

COVERING

I’ve been unhappy, living in pain of mistreatment and abuse a long, long time

Expected to understand why people are incapable of doing what they should regarding/concerning me

Professed love so intensely applied/given improperly

 fathers, pastors, husband so-called covering

Everyone has a justifiable reason, they can’t love me properly

It continues to end up as abuse, abnormal use of me

Perform, work, be loyalty to me, fulfill what I need, support my vision and honor me

Love’s reality hurts and disappoints as it crushes expectation, femininity, and submissiveness, respect and trust dependency on covering

No one has understood or embraced fully the essence of me, proven capable of the responsibility of me… I’m too much; the price is too high, self-serving agendas remained top priority

I never got the chance to benefit positively

And they get away with it, every disgusting foul thing possible; leaving me empty

Open, vulnerable to areas exposed, mistreatment produces ills all its own

From baby to girl, woman to wife, evolved the person I am now that I’m grown

Accused of being too independent, defensive, a thinker and strong

Intimidating, confrontational to a man, girl you are just wrong

Forget the fact these jokers dropped the ball, failed numerously

Didn’t protect or provide beneficially

A drop and a twiddle, every so often, to pacify and solidify

Their request to merit/validate their receiving,

Did what they should have, expecting more than appreciation; gratification

Pimps, Preachers, Pappy’s called covering

Teaching, prompting, the turning of tricks for love

Age/circumstance doesn’t matter

You’ll always end up; having to earn what should be freely given

Because it’s what’s felt/desired to be given from a passionate heart

LOVE ME BECAUSE YOU WANT TO…NOT BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO

When does the cycle end?  Will I ever experience Covering?

I’m angry, hurt, discombobulated; totally taken a back

Struggling to separate reality from failed attempts

To be hopeful, live in possibility, believe in COVERING

A concept never seen or experienced, just heard about

Self gratifying fathers used my body for their pleasure

Spiritual shepherding biased to their need of possessed gifting

Blocked by their need of me, failed to teach me properly

I learned lessons pertinent to their dreams, aspirations and current feelings

All strikes against me, hitting me at the core of intimacy

Believing in these men, giving them all a chance

To redefine and prove the truth of Covering

FATHER GOD PLEASE HELP ME….

You kept me Connected, allowed me the opportunity to yet give the benefit of the doubt, you made me naturally nurturing, empowered me to be supportive, sustained the true authentic heart you created…granted me wisdom beyond my years…enlightened perception of what is and what should not be…You showed me the freedom of forgiveness…how not to impose my own penalty or banish my heart to the prison of this is how life and love will always be

Instead of Covering I continued to meet indifference, selfishness, and contradictions of their perspective roles confined to their inadequacy

Family, friend, fowl existences, fake, failures, frightened by what they didn’t allow themselves to be

How bad I felt, how toxic were my thoughts, how empty my heart in terms s of trusting God’s heart expressed toward me

At, after all this… He would provide proper, protective, purposeful COVERING…

God how can I trust it? How can I trust him?  In the stillness of my delirium God counseled me…he talked to me about Him, about me, and told me particulars about the heart or assignment of love He would provide.  Every time affirming…”you can trust him”.  When I refused to listen, couldn’t hear beyond my pain or disappointment he sent other people who said the very same thing until I finally came to a point of full surrender

Trading in my receiving blanket, the story I carried around as a badge of honor to my internal pain and fear

So I gave it all up…released it…and told God I willingly surrender myself erected defenses and every thought or feeling antithetical God that cancels out the free-flowing work of the Holy Spirit to bring about your plan and purpose in my current reality…Not knowing that He really would address this issue I had with COVERING

For years I’ve been Praying God’s purpose for me would prevail over these aggressive attacks

That I’ll end up the person, woman God intended me to be

Not reasoning away pain, justifying lack or living reliant upon the decisions of man

After some time I could see, utter even my need of you, I finally grew out of pain and put on the desire to allow you the opportunity to walk in or out the role God designed, desired, and designated so you can exemplify his love for the church.

I see clearly now that God covers me, and provides for me the example all these men failed to exude…I am not the things I formerly accepted, agreed to and affirmed. For always and forever He’s

Offering me acceptance, unconditional love and everything I need.  Because I trust His care of me…I trust His choice of you and you’re care of me…

Producing in me a sincere desire to experience the benefit of duel COVERING

God’s providing, doing something new, is allowing me an authentic experience replica to His expression, example of proper

COVERING

Cover Me