In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

Exasperated by time, failed effort, weary of fun turned old, expired pleasure, meaningless, useless intimate exchanges.

A little older, more mature, feeling worn and tattered; like a notch on several belts; beautiful, masquerading elegance, presenting diva, daring, courageous yet needy and vulnerable to the elements of time, trouble, and trials.  Working hard, trying to make it, mother lioness protecting, providing for my precious, God’s gracious gift given.  Retiring my boxing gloves, the sharpness of my tongue, the brashness of my life’s approach, humbled by the struggle, finally able to see another perspective, communicate the message of my heart that’s been hiding behind my pride admitting to feelings harbored all these years…

It’s a thin thin line between love and hate

I never really hated you, passionately disliked the pain and hurt of disappointment, feeling abandoned and let down. I wanted what I wanted then; you are promising you will do it Now.  Impatient I was, stubborn I’ve been ignoring, discounting the love we’ve known laughing at, mocking what could’ve been.  Trial and error, thought I’d find the same or better in others, bigger, vaster disappointments.

My God, Lord Help Me… Momma’s Tired

Of playing these crazy games, trying to do it all male and female, my desire over extended by destitute, over due bills, disconnect threatenings; money too short, wants to long.  I’ve tried it all… can’t find no contentment… nothing lasting.  Did I miss my chance?  Will I know Love again?  What’s “together” mean?  Is that a real concept or fantasy?

I’m more than a pretty face, too tough hair, perfectly coordinated attire.  I found me a sweater that will match my boots and a purse…folding under this pressure, all this responsibility sometimes feels like a curse.  My God, my God I stretch my hands to thee extend my heart felt plea do for me what I can’t do for myself Momma’s Tired.  I retire from trying to live and do it my way, bull doze my walls, soften my heart, help me irrigate the desolate fields of my life.  Help me to spring up and branch out, of barrenness into fruitfulness. There is good in me, beyond what I’m experiencing- my choice, my dilemma, attempt at life failing.  Yet I hear you telling me I’m a winner, the head and not the tail, more than a conqueror, an over comer.

O.K I admit it’s been my wrong, that’s been holding me up, preventing me, ultimately my need for passion that’s hindered me thus far, being satisfied with the touch of a hand, a lick of the tongue, and stroke of the waist, had it good, had it bad, more times than I care to admit.  I’m a little older now, this diva’s ready to quit.  It’s time to settle down I’m approaching your throne, ready to do what it takes to receive my crown.  Momma’s Tired, talented, treasured, tenacious, heartfelt, heart full of love waiting to be released, giving from the best of who I am, surpassing what I’ve known, trusting and taking the limit off the confounds of my own mind, expectation, and understanding of people, places and purpose.

I have a new pursuit God, in his fullness; finally allowing Him to find me where I am, admitting my wrong and choice of sin.  I’m giving Him my life, mind gate and heart for real; surrendering my fight, no more energy for the foolishness, wasted time or things just not meant to be…Momma’s Tired.  Help me to passionately love you and intimately know you in your fullness; out of all my getting I want to get understanding and know how to apply it specifically to my life.  I want to obtain You, my creator, comforter, source, deliverer, substance, and redeemer of life, hope, and vision; trading all this in for what You desire to give me.

Jesus it bares repeating Momma’s…