In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

Recently I was speaking with a woman who expressed such adamant feelings concerning being second pick, someone’s plan B, not an original consideration or option of choice. She premised her statement with he has always…you can fill in the lines I’m sure. A beautiful woman, stood in front of me adorned in degrees, accomplished in society’s eyes, and adept in her own significance. She was cowering in defeat as she tried to fathom the unknown and articulate her position. She has such potential and promise upon her life but hampers it by hiding behind self erected defense mechanisms and superficial ideology. She is a product of her environment, so she’s learned how to fight and think in terms of survival and most times this works against her capacity to keep hope alive when exacting the convictions of her professed faith. Having the advantage of knowing some of her past I can easily understand her present dilemma and present the depiction objectively because I admire her ability and attempts to navigate both worlds. The results of her effort really are commendable.

This woman is doing and producing the best she can in her own strength. You should see her track record she raised her son against the odds of poverty, single parenthood, and the inexperience of her own parents methodology. In most respects she grew opposite the influence of their particular vices. Her son is unscathed by the demons of alcohol and narcotics. He has graduated high school, is working and planning to attend college. Outside of verbal combativeness, aloofness, and a tendency to see life as it revolves around his needs and desires he really is developing into his own man. She did the impossible she raised a black male in today’s society while sacrificing and working toward two Associates, a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree. She accomplished all of this without the physical presence and continual support of her son’s father. The man she loves and hates intermittently. She does not understand her feelings and she is unwilling to search them out because all she can remember is the pain of youthful indiscretions, indecisiveness, and inconsistencies. Historical love currently torments the prospect of future love with or without the inference of the feelings he houses or does not house in relation to her being.

My friend stood there in front of me fearful, frustrated, and fragile by the thought of someone else choosing opposite her beauty, her brilliance, and her bounty Again. Her strength began to dissipate with each word she uttered in reference to the possibility of her love for him not being received or reciprocated advantageously. In any other arena this woman, my friend, adequately personifies the” I got this”,” handling my business”, “making it do what it do” prototype. On any given occasion her discourse informs” I’m ok with my singleness, I’m use to living alone”, “It don’t bother me, everybody isn’t meant to be married or with someone”; often concluding with “me and God talked about this, we talk about this all the time, I’ve accepted my singleness””He knows I’m not willing and I can’t play second fiddle again”. As I scurried for a comfortable out I prayed my face wouldn’t depict my concern, wouldn’t invite her tears or the case she’s been building against him for all these years. I wasn’t prepared to defend hope, love, or her well being in a manner that she could easily hear or embrace. So I recanted my stance and agreed to temporarily allow her emotional tantrum and spiritual demise. What she thinks, speaks, and believes about herself is defeating and denouncing her very attempts at living life abundantly. What she allows herself to think and feel in relation to another keeps her missing the benefits and beauty of what God could show and tell her about the person he is becoming. And you may be wondering why she or I should care and why I can’t or don’t want her to let things stay the way they are. Simplistically stated it’s unhealthy to harbor such toxic thoughts and hatred for yourself and others. Do we really have the right to maintain an opinion opposite the heart of God? Does he not love and have purpose for every life? Who are we to disagree? Does our inability to accept the flaws and frailty of others really depict what we feel and think in terms of ourselves?

I don’t know their individual aspirations, or expected ends. I’m not advocating their getting or being together, that’s between them and God. I’m promoting the acquisition of purpose in our doing and being as it relates to love. If we understand the significance of our own purpose that purpose is never in competition with the significance of another. I feel good about me so I can feel good about you or anybody else for that matter.

The silence of her verbiage betrayed her verbal semantics. In essence she was saying I wasn’t good enough for him the first time, what would make me believe I’m good enough for him now. She agrees with the accusations of her mind that reinforces her thoughts and fears in relation to how she sees herself and hopes the world does not agree; but she secretly thinks and believes they do. Anything or one that buffets, challenges, or confronts her internal dialogue with herself plummet’s her into feelings of inadequacies, unattractiveness, and unworthiness. All these feelings are inappropriate and inapplicable to the life and posture of a believer because we are identified with Christ. We are a new creature, creation through a power not limited by the finite understanding of humanity. Agreeing and living from any other posture detracts from the living loving relationship life in Christ affords.

This statement troubles me not because I think it’s sad to be alone or single. Nor is it because I don’t understand or support the liberties singleness affords. It’s the train of thought, mindset, cognitive process I want to further explore. It saddens me because this youthful, vivacious woman is settling for an outcome because she is unwilling to fight for what could be. She’s given up before even engaging in the fight for love. She cannot conceive loves possibility that is already present in and around her. And that is for me enough to interject another perspective.