In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

There are so many things I want to say, could say but who has the time to disclose everything so I’m trying to hit the main point of this dialogue. For most of my life I’ve always felt in competition with people and things for attention, I never felt like I was enough, I always had to be doing something, exerting energy to win what I realize now, should have been freely given, from a want to within the heart.  So I guess it’s fair to say I’ve been craving acknowledgement that was affirming, without a word, or a physical act that’s the gift I most appreciate from you. 

The gift of Acknowledgement has done and continues to do wonders, it pulls me out of hiding, it makes me want to, stirs up the gift within me.  I’m trying on strength, owning it as my own and it feels wonderful.  I truly feel beautiful, desired, wanted, cherished, and that’s merely due to your glance.  When our eyes connect, I feel those places that use to be empty within fill up, and recharge. I’m surged with indescribable emotion and strength. 

I noticed your look, interpreted then as a glare, like a bully it chased me through memories of others, caused me to test every other exchange by the new standard it set; I’d close my eyes and see yours, I’d be walking in the mall and feel it, I’d lay in the bed and try to deny it’s existence but it rocked me to sleep, and soothed me when everything in me ached; no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t shake or forget it.  I’ve noticed and noted it’s progression over these past years: it started out suspicious of my motive, turned defensive, then curious and in what seems like an instant became intrigue as a student sitting in observation seat, then it shifted again there was a certainty that shown through…a kind of that’s who I want, she’s going to be mines proclamation. 

After dealing with so many improper coverings your eyes never uncovered me/I never felt like an object or a piece of meat; that startled but put me at ease ,and I’m convinced it was most instrumental in me striving to get better so I could get to you whole.  I immediately wanted to give you all of me, felt you deserved to benefit from my love and the only way to give it truly was to give it (un)prohibited, free of all the restraints I’ve attempted in the past.

Because of what I saw in your eyes, and felt in response to that look, desire I never knew existed in me was birthed, clarity of vision, acknowledgement of purpose and the pursuit of destiny began; everything began to come together and make sense.  You saw me in what I feel was my most vulnerable, fragile state and never took advantage of me, that I’ve never known or experienced in regards to a male. I detected no lust or ulterior motives in terms of desire, which made me think: who is this man?  When I felt and almost believed love wasn’t meant for me, it was the look in your eyes that made me re-think and question my stance.  If love exist and I believe it does, your eyes set the course I should follow, the road I should take.

When you look at me now I see the warmth of your heart, I see passionate sentiment you’re not free to disclose (as of yet), I see anticipation, expectation of a coming future we will share, I see a heart toward me, praying and desiring me well. 

Most wives brag about the things their husbands give them: houses, cars, clothes, jewelry, and children.  I look forward to bragging on how you courted me with out direct conversation, how I felt your embrace without physical touch, how you wowed me in the spirit, setting the stage to play it out in the natural, how I fell in love with you, how our souls intertwined and connected over this period of time, at God bidding us to come.  THE SHOW ME, PROVE IT, DO SOMETHING FEEN relinquished previous thoughts, ways, experiences, and ways of thinking and living because that look produced a determination to get  to the home I see in your eyes.

 It is amazing the result and response your look has evoked in me, a person who never was satisfied or settled… took a seat in wait/ patience… which would never be applicable to my previous pursuits, but now is true to my name. 

So before you are released to say what your eyes have already communicated, and your gestures express outwardly what your heart feels in relation to me… I thought it appropriate to say “Thank You for the gift of you,…for your gift of sight… extending yourself to reach me at the point of my need, always being mindful of my comfort level in the exchange”. 

Looking at you I was introduced to me…I’ve learned so much about God, myself, life, love, and others… by searching out the things your eyes provoked; wow talking about romantic, hook line and sinker those eyes have convinced me God’s gifted you especially to meet me at my need…why I love you will never be about the things we are blessed to share it will ALWAYS be about who you are and my need to celebrate all I see when you look at me.

Which in turns makes me see You…it’s funny in all this it’s hard to separate where you left off and where I begin the reflection in the mirror is one in the same when you look at me.

SaBrina Janine