In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

Toward the end of summer, in the eighth month seven years ago I heard a message that changed everything, for the first time in a very long time I was able to perceive possibility specific to my life personally…and faith cometh by hearing the Word.  Every since that specific Word life and love revolutionized for me.  I could not live or love as I had.  I could not enter into, engage in, or entertain the inquiries of others because I have a Word, a God spoken Word concerning me.  I could not live or love as if I didn’t know or have a clue.  I would not handle my assignment haphazardly nor play with or over the affections of another knowing full well my heart belonged to another.  Yes, what God said has kept me, restrained me and constrained me.  It has been preparing, positioning, and purposefully preserving what’s intended for one heart.  So I’ve intentionally chosen to wait on the fulfillment of what I heard seven years ago during the eighth month of the summer and it’s by the grace of God.

It’s still to be revealed the effects of such an impact, startling was the fact that destiny was in tact, amazingly purpose prevailed one season had ended another began.  It’s funny how things can be one way, seemingly sure concrete edged in stone and then everything changes seemingly instantly, actually a progression of people, places and events propel you into some place, thing, one new; it’s as if it never was but was always meant to be.  My choice to trust God completely for both my life and love has enhanced, educated, and equipped me for this life and love of faith.  You see my trusting God, meant I had to learn and find away to trust the heart he assigned to me.  It meant I had to adapt God’s heart concerning, toward, and for him if I was going to be the experience and expression of God’s love to him.  God afforded me the opportunity and time to learn to love him minus my selfish bias.  Every decision, consideration, and compassion shown and shared over these years has been the building of a foundation to walk out my assignment of love.  I could not do this effectively if I formulated an opinion outside of or opposite God’s heart.  I could not see you through the eyes of scrutiny, selfish desire, or stagnates of time and proximity.  In some respects I understand Jacob’s willingness to work, wait, and walk with Rachel.  In other ways I can clearly see how and why Esther replaced Vashti.  In both scenarios it was a matter of the heart: the first was a heart toward her and the second being a heart toward him.  You see that is the determinate of loves assignment.  Where is your heart?  Is your heart like Vashti’s wrapped up into what you need, feel like or don’t feel like doing; focusing on the right and wrong of situations? What he or she should have said, did and been by now?  Or does your heart seek to understand like Jacobs that everything is not as simple as it may seem; sometimes life and love gets murky, some jacked up stuff transpires, and despite the events your heart still desires to love and live with them…because life and love with them is worth the wait, work, and willingness to go through the go through to get to the vision of love you see in them.

Have you ever heard a word that changed your desire, challenged you at your core, and inspired you to new levels of faith endeavors?  Did it feel like an awakening, new birth, a cracking of a cocoon, was it freeing, like someone broke you out of jail? Did its message hit you like a boulder, destroying what’s been the foundation of what you feel and think in terms of life and love? This something, someone, someplace is the epitome of unfamiliar, it’s innate vision made clear in the perfection of timing. Searching it out becomes priority, its appealing drawing you out of obscurity to love another significantly, strengthening and causing you to emerge from remains of broken(ness) and barrenness.  If so, I hope and pray that this week’s discourse serves as encouragement, that it excites you to trust God with your times in His hands for He is PERFECTING all things concerning you and I.

If my heart posture toward my interest is enviable it is a direct derivative of the time I’ve spent inquiring of the Lord for his heart toward him.  You see I firmly believe that to love anybody effectively we have to accept, adapt, and allow the Holy Spirit its perfect work in, through and for us.  If so, love present or love to come will have a strong chance of surviving delays, disappointment, and distractions attached to human frailties.  Early on in the process of saying yes to my assignment it became clear to me that life and love would manifest negatives…weakness…frailties and the only proactive stance to take was to never side with the manifesting weakness…to always stand with the possibility and purpose of strength.  So my love has grown fluid… it is a free flow…flexible to whatever comes and goes.  I’m still here, still standing with all the positives and standing against all that has manifested negative because God presented me with the opportunity to be the vessel He would use to love him humanly through the experience and expression of my life and love and I accepted the assignment…all these years later there is still no regret and sincere regard for the gift of his being.  I’ve watched, witnessed facets of his strengths and weakness and my heart understands, supports, and loves him on purpose passionately.  What hurts him, hurts me…makes him smile, makes me smile…I want no need him to be happy, fulfilled, loved completely…to experience the fullness of life and love as God so desires he have.

I had looked at him several times before, however this night I saw him differently. I saw him through the eyes of God.  I had heard him speak many times before… he’s a profound orator who always has an accurate applicable word… so what happened that made  this particular encounter special…a spiritual exchange?  It was a common occurrence, nothing spooky or startling per say I was sitting there listening attentively, when my mind began to ponder a thought (out of nowhere), my heart made its request to God spontaneously, it wasn’t a result of pain, nor was it in rebuttal to anything experienced, it just bubbled up, came out, I didn’t have a chance to think, as a matter of fact when I did start to process what had just transpired I immediately began to reason and rebuke away the contrariness of what I deemed as imagination, craziness…I instantaneously began to pray  “Help me God, I am tripping, forgive me for what I’m thinking, however my eyes kept gravitating to where he was, who he was, I couldn’t stop myself from looking, seeing and then our eyes met, they were singing a song “Your ladder will be greater than your past…the best is yet to come…instantly I meant it personally, made him the promise of better, there was a willingness to be the instrument God uses to love him, humanly, wifely; an internal celebration erupted causing me to feel again, smile, dance, I looked up at him again he was dancing and smiling, in sync… I thought to myself Oh Lord, it looks like we’re dancing, the perfect finish to a romantic vision…we were so far apart but it seemed as if we were as close as a man and a woman can be.

So was it what I heard or what I saw that infused my heart with the faith to search out my request before God?  Has my faith in God’s answer sustained me during this time of willing waiting?  Is the work of my faith staying in expectation of the fulfillment of what God said to me all those years ago despite time, temptation, and testing?  Have I gotten discouraged, wanted to be reassigned to another…prayed that God would raise up and provide another?  Of course so…in all those times…almost as soon as I thought or uttered it…conviction arrested me because to go back on what I know God said would mean everything I know of and have experienced with God has been a lie. To pursue any other avenue would be disobedience and a waste of valuable time but most of all to live and love like I don’t know or can’t trust the voice of God would break my first loves heart. I love Him too much to willingly and knowingly do that. My love of Him has prepared me to love him.   Life and love for me is about securing, safe guarding, and satisfying two hearts…it’s my assignment.

You see, seven years ago during the summer month of  August God presented me with an assignment, he allowed me the opportunity to see His heart in relation to this person…when asked can I use you to love him…I responded…my yes has been proven…my promise secured.  I promised God…and I promised him…although he did not know it (isn’t it something how God moves and works on our behalf?)…I’m living and loving to keep my promise.  So God made a promise to me and I made a promise to Him…without ever knowing when and how He would bring it about or what it would take, require, and cost to become the Word I heard…(when much is given, much is required)…the vision I saw seven years ago during the month of August.  Here’s to every new beginning God gives, grants, and graces us with…our times are in His hands…He does all things well…what shall be already is…something beautiful, wonderful began, is transpiring and coming about…unfolding before and between us…until manifestation of all things promised may the Word you hear and the vision you see feed, fuel, and forward move your declaration of faith.  Make it a great experience and expression of love and life as God assigns you.~AntTBri