In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

It is no secret, my nieces and nephews are very important to me…they impact the manner in which I live and love in such a meaningful way.  When I don’t want to or feel like it…how they will interpret and perceive my words, actions, decisions hone or reign me in…they often serve as my external motivation (inspiration) of representing Christ as best I can as I attempt to live and love in His likeness.  If they were not watching or depending on me…oh boy life and love could very well be a different type of experience and expression. I sincerely thank God that their eyes are watching…especially my girls…well my guys too because they need a reference point for the type of woman they should look for and choose as their wife as well. Best case scenario the example they see, experience, and equate as Godly will lead them to all roads life and love in, with, and for Jesus…that’s my prayer anyway. Jesus keep using me as a conduit of your love…let me live and love in your likeness successfully CONSISTENTLY…KEEP ME cognitively choosing your way and Word that others may see a clear reflection of life and love in, for, and about You…not my will but your will be done…as it is in heaven…manifest it on earth.

So my heart is warmed by the relationship I have with my nieces and nephews …in more ways than one… they fill the maternal void. I often muse that I have the best baby momma’s in the world.  They afford me the awesome opportunity to help groom, nurture, and teach their children lessons of life and love in the freedom of my experience and expression of creativity. They’ve conferred the right to influence their children’s development (spiritual included) and they allow me the right to say and do as I deem necessary to resolve issues that come up. My brothers didn’t really have much of a choice…I’m the oldest and pretty much it’s going to go and be the way I present and suggest (they trust me as well) but I still appreciate their willingness to let me be the same me I’m with them with their children.  So I am blessed to have and hold all their hearts in high regard. So I get to love them out loud, outlandishly, and obviously my “way” without interruption or rebuttal.  It may not seem like it but I am very sentimental, soft heart(ed), and sensitive even though I appear to be so strong.  I don’t like to see anybody hurt, hindered, hung-up or hampered by life and love…if I can help, make it easier, or better that’s what I’m going to do especially if my heart is toward you…I don’t want you hurting…struggling…or worried that loving or being loved by me is going to be an issue.  Like my siblings, their children and my baby momma’s you have the benefit of my heart toward you. Like them you will find that I will consistently put the needs, what’s in the best interest of my family first…if you can depend on anybody it will be me…willing and ready for life in process.  Ride or die…got your back…we’re going to get it done…make it do what it needs to do…up or down…in or out…winning or losing the first party favor in the bag for you is my whole heart.

I have a flair for the dramatic…shock and awe is very much a part of my personality…if I’m going to do it…I’m going to really do it.  If I can’t do it the way I want to do it…I don’t do it all.  For some this may seem extreme but authentic gestures, sentiments, and representations of my heart and love toward you mean everything to me…I’d rather be consistent than conform to a desire or feeling to appease a temporary fix I cannot maintain permanently.  Why would I expect or want you to settle for anything with me? I don’t want you to have to understand anything other than you are valuable to me…I treasure you and you are worth the time, talent, and effort of my gesture, sentiment, and representation of love. You’re the guest of honor of the party I’m planning.  It’s all about you…what you like, desire, want…I’m planning the party with you in mind, at heart.  You’re the focus…my love toward you is merely to reinforce the theme of the gift I aim to give. The only concern you should have if you need to have one is…is she going to go overboard?  Of course, I am…consistently me remember (smile). All the things I’ve been for others at great sacrifice and under strain I’m going to be that and so much more in the freedom of what proves to be exclusive to my life and love…no bars hold.

My family (baby momma’s included) call, check, and consult with me for what we’re doing for Christmas, back to school, special occasions, and birthdays…there is always a theme or underlining point to our collaborations. How much more for the heart my life has been groomed to love?  For purposes of this discussion let’s just say  I’ve become the party planner…the go to person…the pull it together…keep it together…make sure it happens…get everyone together master mind of family days,  birthday gatherings, weddings, and every other occasion life and love calls for WITH them. The second party favor in the bag of life and love with me is purpose full passion and persistency…setting, STAYING, and sticking to and with the theme of what’s needed to encourage, enhance, and ensure the success of all of life’s and loves events. I willingly extend all my effort to keep family, friendship, and fellowship close, cohesive and connected.

I can only imagine that your commitment to the ones you love anchors your resolve as well…that they are your first consideration when making decisions of life and love…how it will impact them and the impression your words, actions, and choices will leave on them must be paramount.  You like I hold dear the awesome opportunity we have to image the love of Christ…so sacrifice, selflessness, and the refusal to be selfish is what we must do even when it is not convenient, not comfortable, and conflict(ual) to what we may be feeling, experiencing, and desiring at the time.  I don’t always want to be the glue that holds my family together…sometimes when I appear to be the strong one I’m actually the weakest link…but God bottles my tears, he consoles my fears…and helps me do what’s right, what’s best for all parties involved.  I don’t take issue with being the one God gifts to minister and administer the balm that heals, helps repair and transition minds and hearts to the perfection of God’s will for us…even when it means it will cost me…God always makes it up to me…He promises beauty for the ashes of life and love in His likeness. His reward makes it worth it, worthwhile, and wonderfully possible.  So taking down, being put on hold, back shelved, or back burner(ed) is the last party favor for my special guest…it’s what I want you to carry with you…in remembrance of a heart toward you.  Hopefully, you like your party favors and as you walk away from this party planning session you’re anticipating coming to the party of life and love with me.

Until then I gift you with one last party favor written October 8, 2005 that still bears true…

The gift of time

I give you the gift of time to sort through everything you feel and think.

Use this time to put everything in place, arrange things accordingly.

  There is no rush, or urgency, persistence in things happening outside of your comfort  or ability.

There are people to consider, transitions to be made.

So I’ll take a backseat, temporarily until things are set, ready for me to enter, walk in permanently.

  You have the time to do things right, present me correctly.

Ensure the well-being of the ones you love, damage minimum.

I respect your timing and concentrated care.

It is reassuring that you haven’t rushed in right away.

The delay is instrumental in creating deeper admiration of the person of you,

the thought you put into the things you do.

The mere fact that you’re not careless with matters of the heart helps me further trust you.

True love waits, exhibits patience; endures the test of time.

I’m not going to apply pressure or voice my internal need; insist on my desire happening.

So like you stood there observing, watching me “knowing” I wanted desired to talk to you.

I’ll also wait in holding; give you the gift of time in my waiting.

I’m also willing to change my posture, take a seat, rest and take the pressure off me that I can accommodate your struggle, give you time to get it together, figure it out, and wait in expectation of you making your next move.

It’s going to happen, beautifully, wonderfully

I’m not going to miss a bit of it unfolding by being impatient, grabbing for the next move before this one has subsided.

I’m calming the torrent of I can’t waits, I want it to happen now!

God does all things well,

 His blessing makes us rich they add no sorrow.

I don’t want any of the relationships you hold dear to be affected negatively.

I want our love, life together to also be a blessing  to others;

that’s the purpose and goal, desire of my heart.

So it is unto God the author and finisher of our faith.

Lord do what only you can do in us, for us and with us…

Transition us into your perfect will and timing

contain the sentiments of my heart

  keep me passionately loving the heart you’ve assigned me

as I extend to him the gift of time

as you have instructed me to

 

I love you does not require an immediate response or an action to even the score card…this is safe ground, sure ground…there is no tally sheet between us nor will there ever be.  No pressure, insistence or manipulation to get the gifted to respond accordingly. The heart that loves you UNDERSTANDS the reasons of why or why not they get the gift NOW or later…they’re content with knowing it is up and coming.  A heart that is toward you won’t expire in the wait…a heart toward you will ENCOURAGE you to appreciate the preview party and practice during your private party so you will be prepared for the up and coming PARTY.  You see my only concern is how we act, respond, and even handle the wait…preparation time greatly affects the outcome so treasure your party favors…they’ve been prepared with you at heart~Sabrina Janine