In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

Eyes wide open…after fumbling around not being able to see or hear this little one woke me up out of a sound sleep (yelping) (not so cute when you work overnights). My Baylee girl has been really good with him and she usually readily responds to his cries but for some reason she wasn’t fazed by his yelping or my yelling “Baylee get your baby”.

So reluctantly I got up to see what was going on. She was laying near by but not with him (unusual) and he was squirming all about, stretching, screeching frantically. In all honesty I just wanted quite so I could go back to sleep. I wasn’t cognitively aware of what was happening in his growth process. According to everything I read he was progressing favorably and it wasn’t time for any milestones. My humanity surmised he must be hungry,

so I made him a bottle, picked him up and proceeded to introduce him to the bottle (first time in his two weeks)of life, to my surprise, in that moment he opened his eyes.

It was incredible , all tiredness disappeared and my heart filled with such compassion, concern and curiosity about what was going on with this little guy. What was he feeling, what did he need and how could I help or assist him further in his growth process. We sat there staring at each other awhile, he, Baylee, Bentley and I just watching and waiting to see what would happen next.

I thought about my own existence, growth experience when I couldn’t see or hear on my own and had to live and love dependent on outward stimuli to keep me thriving. I weighed both the spiritual and natural realities; contrasting and comparing lessons learned. How there were times when my not seeing or hearing rendered me weak, vulnerable and needy in most retrospects. I remembered the lengths I would go for attention, admiration and affection. I recalled the cries of desperation that went unanswered, the feeling of worthlessness that hallowed my innocence. I remembered those touches, talks, and trinkets that reaffirmed exchanges were mere attempts to silence my noise(or theirs) but were not purposeful in addressing the actual issue. I looked at this male mammal held in the palm of my hand and wanted him to see this was not a cold, cruel or condescending heart (home) cradling him. He was wanted, welcomed and wonderful in all his stages. I didn’t need him to be textbook perfect to show him kindness. I wasn’t upset, bothered or going to be mean to him because he didn’t progress on my schedule or do as I desired he do. I could and would grant him room to grow.

According to the books, he had another week to go before opening his eyes. If things would have progressed in routine it would have been another timely happenstance. I probably would have missed it…but as life would have it I witnessed him opening his eyes. Mines was a heart full of compassion wanting and willing to help him experience, explore and engage his newly discovered environment advantageously. What an awesome experience, expression and education afforded.

I remembered my assignment and appointment to love. The mandate on my life and love. The reason or should I say purpose of my being allowed to foster, nurture and care for a life in it’s delicate state. It no longer mattered that his yelping woke me up because it was an opportunity for both of us to experience life and love eyes wide open. That’s the specialness, significance and standard being established in terms of relationship.

What are we fostering? Nurturing? Helping to groom and develop? Can God trust us, use us to touch a life in His stead? Are we caregivers or care takers? Does our confession of love limit us to what we imagine, desire and expect from the recipient?

If it’s our desire to show forth the love of God, to allow His character to shine those blind spots, deafening experiences impeding our ability to experience life and love as the Word ascribes can be eradicated. Once properly and purposely stimulated our eyes will open to heavens reality. We’ll be able to vision and hear God with such clarity in the Spirit of love. Authentic love images the very heart of God towards us. Maybe it’s time to search for His heart in the the things we experience and express. Matters of the heart are delicate, require understanding and undergirding.

Every decision of love shown and shared should consider the current state of ones becoming, where they’ve been but more importantly where they’re going. Love isn’t always convenient, comforting or concise sometimes it’s conflicting, confusing and complicated in that we have to choose to seek out the solution to what is happening in the current and adjust accordingly. It all matters…is significant! This season is teaching me to focus, pay attention and proactively seek God to meet the need. Details matter. Love considers the entire spectrum of ones becoming. It chooses you when you’re blind to its existence and deaf to its plea. It lays near by like my Baylee girl and let’s you squirm, stretch and scream until experience shows you how to acquiesce something more. I’m praying for our capacity, our ability to nurture what God is growing whole within us; for the internal struggle of our discomfort and discontent in the present. I’m praying for our attentiveness and responsiveness to the Holy Spirit’s leading that our handling of each other creates safety, security and surveillance for the place God deems as our there. I so want to see all of God’s blessings without the markings of hurt, disappointment, and normal happenstance. I want to hear and respond to love organically in all it’s manifest-ions. I’m believing in the gift of healing entrusted in our hands. That our touch will reaffirm that God is the balm that heals yesterday, today and anything we will face in the future.

When you’re eyes are wide open the length of your reach extends, your vision expands and your expectation from the environment grooming you enhances. May we forever see God, ourselves and others through the lens of perfected love with our eyes wide open ~AntTBri