In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

My niece Violet was crying and her mother was trying to help soothe her by asking an assortment of questions and offering possible fixes or alternatives to what she thought/felt would appease her. This beautiful, brilliant obviously frustrated little girl clearly exclaimed amidst the dialogue “mommy just let me cry”. When my brother tells the story it’s hilarious because he doesn’t readily ascribe to emotional declarations or responses and his unbelief/amazement at his 2 year old daughter paints such a portrait of rational. “Sometimes a girl just has to… no needs to just cry it out”. My brother, like so many other males I know could live his whole entire existence without the mushy/emotional stuff that comes so easily with the female expression of humanity. He painfully endures us and we love him for it😘 but little miss Violet’s assertiveness, intuitiveness and perceptiveness is softening his approach and educating us all when it comes to effective interpersonal communication. Sometimes you have to accommodate tears, not try to fix it, validate or justify the right and wrongs of pain. Give people space and time to come to it (a better place). You got to love the fluidity of a moment. Those 5 words helped usher my niece into necessary quite, a moment, granted her time to get it all out, make the adjustment and proceed with her day.

How many of us like my niece, need a time out from this pandemic, political rhetoric, all these posts, and protesting? Just a moment to process without all the dialogue, directions and details of everyone’s opinion? Are you inwardly screaming shut the… well you know…up? I for one can not stomach another outlet telling me what/how I feel, should respond and even maintain while surviving all these variables. It’s all just too much and not enough at the same time. The little girl in me is wrestling with my woman…she wants to not feel the intensity of this season nor grapple with all this uncertainty. She is mentally exhausted, emotionally spent and tired of braving this terrain in the dark. But the woman I am refuses to cry, show weakness, give up or out and be vulnerable to the elements. I keep pressing, pushing and finding ways to pursue purpose all though my heart is overwhelmed.

Maybe I’m retreating, could even be retaliating… I hate being told what to do, not having options and living and loving limited…as if I can’t decide or choose for myself, think and process. I’m not very trusting, nor prone to depend on others for my care anyway but this season has heightened everything. I like no need to have some semblance of control and say so to agreeably coexist. To thine own self be true. I typically only confer to the prompting of the Holy Spirit when it becomes apparent I’m wrong. Even with that I need time, space, opportunity to come to it. I need a moment. Reflection, contemplation, quite energizes me…helps me consult, consider and confer to God. I can admit I so enjoyed my alone time, limiting my social media, television and opportunities to socialize to when I want to or have to before all of this but it’s grown more expedient now. I need my moments alone, just me and God. I like my niece often find myself begging and looking for ways to just “cry” not actually but it makes my point. It’s my attempt to honestly process through my feelings, fears and frustration alone without human input or interference before the Lord. I don’t want to survive this and end up batty, bitter or blasphemous. So I’ve been intentionally talking to God, weighing everything, determining is this profitable, purposeful, helping produce the God outcome for my life and love. Being clear to know where I am in terms of pleasing and honoring God. Faith filled? Faith less? Trusting? Tripping?

I am convinced no human, institution or system can tell me or you how to navigate this season or terrain having never been this way before. Humanity cannot speak to my (our) existence, experience or expectation unless directed by the Holy Spirit. If in my humanity, abounding in blessings (God has been sustaining me beyond meeting and providing my needs during this time) I yet have moments of fear, frustration and fickleness what confidence could I place in persons likened to myself? None. Notta. Who but God can resolve these very real issues (see Jer. 32:17)? Who other than our God has the plight of our existence, experience and expectation at heart (see Jer. 29:11)? Can the same flawed humanity (heart postures) that created these unjust systems correct, undo the very same systems and cycles? Resolve issues? Remedy this virus? Assuredly not! It is in God and God alone we must place our hope.

Prayerfully 2020 is changing, challenging and even correcting how we vision God, ourselves, and others? It is adding the necessary depth to our dialogues, definition to our demonstrations and the definitive details of the Word is helping or causing us to humble ourselves (mindsets, mannerisms and movement) to an all knowing and in compassing God (see 2 Chronicles 7:14). Best case scenario during this process we’ve begun shedding tears of repentance, admitting we’ve been insisting on having life and love our way, focusing on what will gratify our wants and desires. At our best we’ve not fully been given to God’s way, will, work or Word without bias or our own agendas? Truthfully shedding tears that cleanse the soul while irrigating the dry places of life and love can only benefit, bless and bequeath us. May our tears water the ground of our grooming, causing our worship to intensify in fervency unto the Lord of host. May we turn our attention, affection and admiration to the God who heals, delivers and answers prayer. May our time in His presence, seeking His purpose produce, prompt and precure the will of God for life and love.

Like my sister in love trying to soothe Violet we’ve exhausted our know how to fix it, soothe or appease all that’s wrong with life and love. Similar to my brother we’re living and loving in unbelief/amazement that things are occurring and unfolding before us the way they are. In particular to Violet Burns Crosby, be we the male or female expression of humanity may we cry out to the God who promises to hear us (see Lamentations 2:19). Take a moment, regain your composure, perspective and spiritual footing and carry on in faith. Engage God! Experience God! Expect God to be God of the situation, scenario and strategy. It’s ok to be desperate, dependent and designed to cry out, disclose all that concerns us to a relational God. I write this to remind us we can trust Him with our tears for He cares for us. He is perfecting everything concerning us and causing it all to work in accordance to what He wills, determines profitable, beneficial and a blessing to our life and love. He decides, determines and designates purpose. The purposes of God will prevail despite this pandemic, political season, opinionated posts and protesting. The Holy Spirit will continue to lead and guide us into the truth of who God is and grant our humanity opportunities to refresh, renew and revive after moments of having a good cry~AntTBri