In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

It’s embarrassing, ordinarily I wouldn’t mention it because I consider myself to be great at it now so disclosing when this wasn’t my experience forces a level of vulnerability I hope will be beneficial. I didn’t learn how to drive until 23/24 and when I did, it took 3 tries before receiving the desired pass. Late bloomer, I know. I simply had no interest in driving but my moving to Virginia required I have a drivers license (per Howard Crosby, my father).

My mother didn’t drive, and from his perspective everything gleaned from her influence needed to be undone. So he proceeded to try and teach me how to drive. I had mastered the 3 point turn, hand placement, coordinating the necessary foot movements but both fails were a direct result of how I handled the stop sign. The first fail I slowed down but didn’t come to a complete stop before proceeding across the intersection. The second fail was due to the fact that I stopped too far behind the stop sign before proceeding through the crosswalk. Both times, I returned to the car having to report I did not pass. Both times my dad said “damn Brina…you’ll pass it next time”. What he did not do was let me wallow in the defeat. As a matter of fact he insisted I rescheduled it immediately both times (I wanted to wait, put it off until I felt more ready). In Virginia, you only had to wait a week before being allowed to retest and Sgt. Crosby wasn’t having it. So I went back 3 weeks in a row and finally passed on the third time to which my dad responded “damn Brina your @ss finally did it”.

Subsequently, today all these years later, while driving the streets of Santa Monica this stop sign jarred the aforementioned memory. It caught and held my attention most of this day. So much so I went back to capture it. Why say ye? First because I almost rolled through the dog on thing (I didn’t) but then, because I started to think damn Bri you still struggle with what to do or how to approach the stop sign. Not so good when life and love consistently presents abrupt and anticipated stop signs, right? Not so good when you’re a believer and the crux of your faith requires you trust God with your life and love.

What is this need to speed through the uncomfortable and those things we don’t readily understand or want to deal with? Can we get past the uncertainty of not knowing what’s coming and trust God in (with) outcomes? What’s so scary about intersections, crosswalks, merging…the possibility of a collision? Doesn’t his track record prove Him faithful? So why are we living, loving I mean driving…approaching stop signs afraid???

Am I living and loving imposing my own defense? Safeguards? Wait isn’t God our defense? Safety? If life and love crashes, collides, feels like it will consume us do we not have an advocate with the Father? If so then it’s fair to assert “the stop sign” serves as a reminder that complete trust is necessary as we live and love in Him. “But He knows the way that I take [and He pays attention to it]. When He has tried me, I will come forth as [refined] gold [pure and luminous].” Job‬ ‭23:10‬ ‭AMP‬‬

And although you, like me, would like to think we’re better at this trust component, than we actually are, many of us have to confess imposing our own safeguards and erecting our own defense nine times out of ten is our choice of action. “Oh for grace to trust Him more”! Acknowledging I’m not trusting God completely with my time, life or love sets the groundwork for repentance. Admitting our internal inclination (fear, preoccupation) with making sure we have a semblance of control separates us from God and people we aim to love. It stops us from growing together, prevents us from forward movement…sharing, adding to the quality of each other’s life. It’s uncomfortable, oftentimes hard to admit We need each other’s testimony, strength and prayers to overcome this stronghold. That mixed with our will to be better, do better can change life and love’s trajectory.

So I can admit sometimes I’m overly cautious in terms of fostering relationships, new ventures, goals etc. Either I’m stopping too early and not really paying attention to the potential proximity issues while attempting to move forward or I don’t stop at all. I just tap the brakes and go…caution to the wind. In actuality, after giving it much thought, it’s become very clear that I’m afraid of the possible collision, the aftermath of the impact. Not knowing what’s coming unsettles me. Surprises make me anxious and a whole lot of my action/in action even is rooted in fear. How is it that a believer can live and love in the comfort of torment? Has my experience with people, life and love groomed me to expect the worse case scenario? Is this the separation, the place I keep stalling? Is the uncertainty of survival…fear of not surviving the blow, hit, disappointment, devastation keeping me mishandling/wrongfully approaching life and love’s stop sign?

It can serve as a hard stop, a pause, cease your striving, building, fearing and wait on God. “Even though I walk (drive, emphasis added) through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:4‬ ‭AMP‬‬. Before you pull off, proceed, press the gas, progress forward consider the way you should take. The stop sign is a reminder to look both ways, consider your left, Gods right. “In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].” Proverbs‬ ‭3:6‬ ‭AMP‬‬. When approaching a stop sign remember Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, stop being worried or anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted) about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, as to what you will wear. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothing?”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:25‬ ‭AMP‬. Ex. 23:12 reminds us to stop working so we can be refreshed. As you approach the next stop sign hear “Do not fear [anything], for I am with you; Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you; I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].’”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Shall we pray, Holy Spirit I so desperately need you to help regulate my thoughts and emotions. I lay the full weight of all that I am, am not into your capable hands. I surrender my struggle to trust beyond my experience and expectation. You’re steadfast, sure, solid…order my steps, statements, sentiments etc in the perfection of your will for my life and love. I submit my self, my future strides and attempts of wellness, wholeness, work, and worship to you. I release this trepidation, terror and torment and receive your peace, assurance and joy. I choose opposite dread and await what happens as a result of the stop sign. Help me to intentionally choose hope, trust, faith as my only option as I live and love. I proclaim that Your love of me, for me is more than enough. Help me to remember and use this knowing to combat the weapon of fear, anxiety and mistrust. I repent of self erected defense mechanisms and attempts to maintain control and replace those vices with the articles of victory (full armor). Today I’m proclaiming victory in terms of how I will approach and handle stop signs going forward. You are my righteousness! I agree with the Holy Spirit and all He has in store for me, the up and coming. Holy Spirit Bless the persons reading this, that can relate and identify with this struggle to exact the same liberty found in you. You are our safe place and it is our heart to please and honor you with our life and love. Thank you Father God for the vote of confidence that we can do all things in your strength. Keep striving to live and love in His likeness ~AntTBri