In His Likeness w/ AntTBri

It is an exciting time in the life of my family.  All the men in my life are currently in relationships.  All five of my brothers have significant others, special women that they’ve made their wives (Antoine, Hestin) or plan on making their wives (Big Ron, Joe, and Josh) in the very near future.  For the first time in my life all of my “men” are in a good place, happy, and settled by the anchor of loving and allowing themselves to be loved. Three of my nephews are in the early stages of dating… and nothing makes me more proud or happier to report than my father exploring a specific avenue of AUTHENTIC love (love for the sake of love) as life and love was always meant to be experienced and expressed.  I am optimistically hoping the best for all parties involved…it is my prayer that they intentionally (on purpose)  live, love, laugh, and learn to understand HER( whomever she may be) through every experience and expression of love.

Relationships are challenging…there are many GROWTH opportunities…that require continual effort, energy, and extreme amounts of empathy…especially when dealing with the extraordinary, exceptional, and exemplary opposite sex.  Women were designed for relationship…most of us want, wait, and work to build something substantial, sustaining, and full of substance.  Generally, we desire to love and be loved.  Generally, we love the “right” man with all of  our heart and being. Generally…there are exceptions to every rule.  So let’s just say that she the woman you love, the woman that loves you does not easily fit the category just explained.  What do you do? How do you respond?  In short, seek to UNDERSTAND HER…not just what she’s saying or doing or not saying and doing.  Seek to understand her history before you, consider WHY she’s able or not able to communicate her needs advantageously.  What was her family life like? More importantly seek to find out how she feels about herself, what she has to offer, can or cannot do? Then you will better understand your placement, position and even the posture you need to take with your woman.  Every woman is not the same and you have to work to dwell with her…according to the knowledge (what you come to understand about her specialness).  What has hurt her hindered or hampered her in the past?  Do you understand her defense mechanisms? Do you care to effectively disarm her fears?

At the core of every outburst, attitude, and refusal to give or bend is FEAR. Behind and beyond, the tears, tantrums, and need to talk… is the fear of not being heard, valued, appreciated, and loved unconditionally by the man she loves.  We fear being dropped, abandoned, rejected…being taken advantage of but most of all we fear not being enough…we fear our individual limitations.  We fear being mishandled and mishandling you.  So in our feeble attempt to be “every” or the “perfect” version of woman we end up making ourselves and  you sick/miserable (at times) by freaking out over the little things and everything else that manifest as foolishness… if you pay close attention the symptom is the masking of an internal. fear.  Every woman I know, myself included struggles to be authentically vulnerable.  We don’t want to tell you what we think, how we truly feel because we fear losing ourselves in your opinion. And until we learn better when things get to close for comfort, hard, or conflictual we…say” forget it”, “it doesn’t matter to me”, “I don’t care”…and the ever so common and hated by men expression of “whatever”.  These are words people…when uttered let the phrases dissipate into the air and listen intentionally for the fear.  If you can target, address, and diffuse the fear…you can navigate the torrents of estrogen overload and pull her back into the safety net of your love of, toward and for her. Most women experience calm when the opposite of their expectation occurs…it puzzles us, stops us in our tracks, and causes us to think differently…wait a minute, hold up, pause: in that minute if executed skillfully, strategically, and spirit led God can use you profoundly to show her the perfection of His love for her and as a bonus you will be rewarded, respected, and ravished by acts of appreciation, applause, and affirmation because although we acknowledge God we understand you agreed and allowed Him the opportunity to use you as our hero.  I don’t know a woman standing, bending, or laying that can deny the impulse to reciprocate authentic expressions and experiences of love.

I struggled with 1 Peter 3: 5-7 a many years because there are parts of my personality that are not calm, and gentle and for most of my saved adult life I’ve been laden with a number of fears.  It was and is my desire to be Sara’s daughter but that is not always my expression or experience of life and love.  I’ve learned to accept, acknowledge and be accountable for my words and actions to God, myself, and others but outside of my father, brothers, and nephews I’ve had very little practice in being vulnerable through my expression and experience of woman in the “right” man’s world. Then I came across 1 John 4:18…my relationship with my “men” changed and shifted drastically because I encountered THE MAN.  His love of me has taught me, set the standard and expectation of the love I will share with the man of His choosing for me.  My coming to trust God completely with my life and love has eased a number of my fears because my life and love in, with, and for Him will end up right even when things appear, and are wobbly, wayward, and wrong.  God got me…he holds my heart in the hollow of His hand…I hold Him and him alone responsible for the outcome of life and love with or without the significance of man.  Nobody can do me or you like Jesus…in our best attempts we’re only the vessel God uses to verify not qualify His love of us.  So, I no longer insisted on being heard, nor did I continue to penalize them for their imperfections or hold them to standards I could not maintain or keep in and of myself.  I stop feeling victimized by their choices, words, and actions toward me because the love of Jesus addressed and administered healing everywhere life and love had hurt, hindered, or hampered the manner in which I dealt with my external and internal fear.

Men are not responsible for the totality of a woman’s care.  You cannot heal nor are you expected to make up for every injustice and infringement upon her woman.  But you can be the instrument that God uses to love her back into wholeness.  Your words, your touch, and gestures can be infused with the balm that heals, reassures, and provides a covering to what life and love has uncovered and exposed to the realities of fear and torment.  Imagine that, you can dwell with her according to knowledge…you can actually love your wife as yourself…understanding her as you come to understand yourself.  Wow is that the benefit of being someone’s husband? Does she know you will avail yourself to God for a strategy in dispelling the torment of her fears ultimately assisting and aiding her deliverance by the washing of the Word?  You cannot do, achieve, or bring this about through your clever intellect, the gifts you give, the time you spend…arguments, putting your foot down and showing her whose boss…it will only happen as a result of intentional prayer, taking serious the responsibility of love, and seeking to understand her behind and beyond the particular fear the enemy is using in attempts to kill, steal, and destroy the intended experience and expression of life and love in God likeness (together).

So the next time something comes or flares up I hope your first response will be to ask God “help me understand her, give me the words to say and action to take to show her the perfection of your love to, toward, and for her through the experience and expression of my love of her..  You can do this…you have what and who it takes to do this and to do this well… she is your gift, your treasure, your prize…never side with the weakness or frailty of her humanity always work to build, reinforce and strengthen the strong side of her character. May your arms always be able, willing and quick to hold her in a tight embrace until she feels safe, secure, and stable again.  May your love always blossom in the face of adversities, and grow deeper in light of the Word God spoke over your lives and love.  May both your experiences and expressions of love lead you to all roads of abundant life in Him who created and cares for us perfectly. May that be the foundation and expectation of how far we allow ourselves to trust and be vulnerable with and to whom He designates we live with and love.  Advantageous loves to us all… your love and life with her can last if you Never see her as separate from you (faith, family, fellowship) and you my father, brother, nephew,(uncle, cousin, and friend) will always strive to UNDERSTAND HER. ~AntTBri